Zizek on Love
love noteshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crMxqDwqbKg
Zizek: We live in a “liberal” society in which we are free only nominally
It’s easier than ever before to find a partner, in the sense that you can download an app and match with someone.
Paradoxically, because it has become so easy to find people, it has become so difficult to find a partner for life.
In today’s world, sticking with someone in a monogamous relationship is almost an act of rebellion! Nowadays, the conservative play is to sleep around and keep your options open.
Love is a violent event
Alain Bodiou: Love is an event that happens to us. We live our lives normally and then totally fall in love with someone and our life is forever changed.
Zizek: This is a violent, disruptive event. You can have a job, friends, be content and stable, then suddenly fall in love. When this happens, your whole life is upended and disrupted – and this is a beautiful thing. When you find requited love, it feels like you’ve discovered your true love. It seems accidental yet necessary. It is within this violent event that the individual is radically alienated from themselves and now has access to their true/ free/ authentic selves.
Zizek: The easiest way to find love is to… not look! Radically dedicate yourself to yourself and your projects. Waiting for love is an active stance. When you work on yourself, that is what is attractive to people.
Also, love is a practice, not a feeling.
When you first fall in love someone, the initial spark will eventually die out. You need a third thing. Something which ties you together beyond your romantic interests.
First thing = you
Second thing = partner
Third thing = thing outside your relationship which sustains it
- aka, a project, purpose, cause
- can be more abstract but also practical, e.g. having a kid!
This is similar to what Esther Perel talks about in the Huberman podcast.
Zizek’s perfect date = sit around together and read books together.
Vulgar addendum to perfect date: - She brings a sex toy, I bring a sex toy, and we let the sex toys pleasure each other. Then, we can go on and get to the real good stuff – being vulnerable with each other, really knowing each other, etc.